I am not a dietician but I have read a great deal about nutrition over the last 17 years. When I looked at my current diet a few days ago through honest, impartial eyes, I saw several immediate changes that would give big results.I tend to eat the vast majority of my calories every day after 5PM. I tend to eat anywhere from 3000 - 5000 calories per day (back when I spent two hours in the gym every day, this wasn't too far off!). I have jumped into the arms of several comfort foods. If "you are what you eat" then I am a greasy chocolate cheese meat monster. Yes, this is the body that Dijourno's and Ghiradeli built, ladies and gentlemen. So, quite obviously, step one is to stop eating so much crappy food. And, if I'm gonna eat crappy food, I make sure not to go over my daily caloric alotment (more on this in a later blog).
So if you're not eating crappy food, you'd better have some healthy food around. Now, if you're only eating 1400 calories a day when you're used to eating 2-3x that much, you'll find that your stomach feels empty. So one of the first things I do at the beginning of a diet is increase the amount of fiber I'm eating. This really does help me feel less hungry.
To that end, I bought several boxes of Fiber One breakfast bars (see photo). They might not be the healthiest option available, but they are delicious and they do contain a great deal of fiber. At 150 calories, I thought they would be great to keep around - especially at work. When I get hungry in the office, my only options are potato chips and chocolate if I can't leave to get food.
This week I have had the most incredible amount of gastrointestinal distress in my entire life. On monday and tuesday, I thought my body was just adjusting to the diet. On wednesday, I figured it was due to a chili cookoff I participated in. Today I got to work several hours earlier than usual and ended up having 2 Fiber One bars in the morning.
As I was finishing my second bar several hours after the first, my mind associated cause and effect as I listened attentively to my stomach as it started making incredibly loud sounds. It was as if there was a clash of the titans and I was the battlefield.
If you don't appreciate fart jokes, now's probably the time to stop reading!
Like most people, I work in an environment where farting is not fondly looked upon. You don't wanna be "that guy" or "that girl" in any office. So this week I have sat in pain listening to what feels like 20 cubic feet of gas floss my innards. It was been distracting at best and incredibly painful at worst. By lunch today, I had to go to my car, my only private (if poorly ventilated!) choice. I'm not going to reveal all the gory details, but I will mention that it is incredibly weird to fart a great deal more volume than you could ever exhale from your lungs. Imagine if you could exhale...and then continue exhaling and exhaling... Repeat for a good 20 minutes before and after lunch.
I did some research tonight and found this great page (amongst several others discussing the same phenomenon):
http://www.diet-blog.com/archives/2007/02/05/fiber_one_oats_and_chocolate_bar_review.php?page=3
I laughed myself to tears reading through peoples' experiences with this product. The reviews are spot-on and hilarious. Fiber One bars are delicious, full of fiber and full of hate.
